What I Learned From (Almost) Divorcing My Husband

Source: Style Me Pretty

I used to be terrified of making mistakes.  I would always try to make everything perfect. If something did not go the way I planned, I would immediately start cursing, crying, arms whaling; you name it, I was doing it. Is it because I’m a freakazoid?! No! It’s because I’m a woman! We’re basically molded to think that if something doesn’t go as planned, then it’s a disaster.  Well ladies, I’m here to tell you it’s absolutely okay to get off track sometimes and be imperfect! 

A particular experience showed me that life can take a complete 180 and you have to learn from it.

I met my husband in high school, while working at a local grocery store. Anthony joined the Army, and then I moved to Kansas with him for 2 years. One day he received orders to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. We knew we were in for a bumpy ride, but not the roller coaster that it later came to be. Long distance relationships are NOT easy. I give people credit for being able to do it, but it was really hard for us. The first month was okay, I moved back home with my family and friends. It was difficult for Anthony to see me enjoying myself, while he was miserable and alone in Cuba. The days grew longer and our marriage was slowly but surely being destroyed. We both said and did things that were way out of line, and a few months later I knew it was time for a divorce. “Wow, just turning 21 years old and I’m already going to be divorced,” I thought to myself. I thought about what everyone was saying about us, how they said we were going to never last, how it was my fault or how it was his fault. It didn’t matter whose fault it was. It just happened. I hired a lawyer and we went our separate ways. 

A few arguments here and there, and a lot of subliminal tweets and Facebook updates later, we found ourselves hating each other. Then, we found ourselves trying to mend a friendship about 6 months later. It wasn’t easy, but I knew Anthony would be moving back to our hometown when he was done with the Army. I knew I would see him again, and I did not want either of us to have any hard feelings. So, flash forward to about 9 months of being legally separated, he gets out of the military and moves home. I was very hesitant about seeing him, and I just had this knot in my stomach thinking about him. Of course while we were separated we both still loved each other, but we just knew we couldn’t repair our marriage. Or so we thought.

About 5 days after he returned home, we decided to see one another.  It was not easy, I felt like I was sitting next to a stranger whom I once loved more than anyone in this world. We had touched upon the idea of not going through with the divorce, but our friends and family thought we were crazy. We were crazy; we had been through all the ups, downs, and in between. I had already started to establish my life without him. I got an apartment with my best friend, and started to take care of things on my own. I felt like all I had been looking for all along was right in front of me. We both had to do a lot of growing up and self-loving before we could truly love one another the way we should. Those 9 months of separation now seem like a blessing in disguise. It was not easy getting back together, with many trials and getting back into the swing of things. Now, we’ve been back together 2 years, together overal for 7, and I can’t imagine my life any other way. I’m married to my best friend.

Isn’t it funny how life can completely take a 180 when you least expect it?

When our separation began, I remember thinking my life was a disaster. Now, I know it was how my life was planned to be all along. God has a plan for everyone, and I love His plan for my hubby & I. It is hard to face it, but there will always be bumps in the road on this journey of life. Your life may not be going exactly how you imagined it at this exact moment in time, but it’s important to know that you’ll end up exactly where you are supposed to be!


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