Things You Shouldn't Say To A Young Mom

youngmom

I get it, more and more women are focusing on their careers, so naturally, they are having children a little later in life. I am all for that, go 'head with your boss lady self. However, I did things a bit backwards. My " family " started when most of my friends were still in college. Since my " plan " didn't match up with the norm, I got lots of stares, confused faces, and even more invasive questions. 

If you have a young mom friend, or see one out trying to catch her breath in the throws of life, here are a few things you should probably avoid saying:

1. I thought most women were having babies later? 

Ummm maybe? Since I'm not one, I cannot speak on this. But you can talk to one of them, they will let you know. 

2. Is your life over? No, like you know what I mean, did it just stop? 

Wait, what? ( crickets ) No, I really don't know what you mean. Did I stop breathing and not know it? Phew, I found a pulse, we're good! Seriously though, it doesn't matter how old you are, having a baby is a life changer. Your life will be completely different. While I didn't go bar hopping with all my friends, it didn't sound appealing to me. I would have much rather been home with my hubby and new baby soaking it all in, or just soaking in a tub because I was way too tired to stay up past 9pm. By the way, yes someone really asked me this. 

3. Well your hands are sure full! 

Yes. Yes they are. It's like a captain obvious statement. Our eyeballs are full from all of the sleep we're missing, our ears are full from the loud screams, and our hearts are full from all the sweet, sweet love those babes bring. But seriously, my hands are full and my kids are screaming in the checkout line, could you help a sista out? 

4. Are these all yours? 

Oh shoot, did my daughter grab a random child's hand again, and put them on our shopping cart? Now I need to find their parents and convince them not to press charges. Slightly kidding. Yes, these are all mine. I will never forget the day they were each born. In more ways than one. 

5. Was it planned? 

Unless you are my best friend, these words should never come out of your mouth. Hello intrusive. 

6. You do know how this happens right? 

I get that people are joking when they ask this, but please. Just. Don't. 

7. Oh your body, do you worry you'll never get it back? 

Now this is a question I'm sure most moms think about at some point, but we don't need others to bring it to the forefront. Yes, of course I think about it from time to time, but I have bigger things to focus on. I'm more worried about if my baby will stay happy and healthy. Buuuut thanks, now I'm worrying if my booty looks big in these jeans. 

8. You're young, so you're a cool mom.

Thanks, but... no wait, I'm okay with this one. You may proceed. 

9. Well at least you got it out of the way early.

 Out of the way? You do know how kids work right? They are not like birds, they don't sprout wings and leave the nest. They are yours. For life. Now with this one, I kind of get it. We will probably be the youngest parents when our older ones are graduating, but I would never think of them as in the way. Unless they're blocking the bathroom. After three kids homie don't play around with that. 

10. Your life must be so hard. How do you do it? 

It really is. We only have one car, and my husband doesn't understand that when Target switches seasons, I need the car on that day so I can see the new decor. Oh, you were talking about the kids? Well yes, that has its ups and downs. We do it, because we have to. We have great days, where I feel like super mom and we have really rough days where I let them watch Frozen on a loop. Even on our worst days, I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything. It's almost like life before them didn't exist, and I'm okay with that. 

What did Thumper say? " If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all ".  I do think, most people say these things out of innocence. They do not mean any malicious intent behind their comments. They probably are just trying to figure out how you navigate through your life. If the question you're about to ask would offend you, then it may be best you save that one. Young moms get a different rep than others, but at the end of the day, we're all moms. We all change diapers the same way, we all love our babes, we all want them to succeed, and be responsible human beings. If anything, we need more of the understanding looks that say " oh I've been there, I feel for you ". A kind word, or pat on the back goes such a long way. As women and mamas we need reassurance that we are doing it right. A little of that is so good for our self esteem. After all, we're all just pretending we know what we're doing, right?