The Black Friday Shopper Blessing

It's officially the holidays and what we affectionately call "the most wonderful time of the year." Thanksgiving and Christmas are some of the most magical times we get to spend with our friends and family, but we're forgetting one of the most special traditions of all. It's the Black Friday sales and it's coming for us people. Lord help us all! I personally will never brave another Black Friday sale after the horrors I've seen. Almost every person in the store needed Jesus in one way or another, and I just kept thinking that I would rather be forced to wear full body spandex for life than be stuck in this target with hundreds of fools losing their damn minds.  

Now if you're one of these people that loves to shop the Black Friday deals and it gives you some kind of satisfaction when you come home looking like you've been beaten to death, more power to you. You also need to read the tips on how to win at Black Friday shopping before you get out there. Now I am a Christian woman and want nothing more than peace and love between all people, but unfortunately we don't live in a world where that happens. I can't see that it's worth it to fight those crowds, but if it's a special tradition in your family and you want to go Black Friday-shopping, let me say this. I want to pray a special blessing over you all:

May every soul planning to venture out for Black Friday shopping remember the thanks they gave the day before with their families and friends. May they remember that we are not in fact cattle stampeding through doorways, trampling anyone in our paths. May you find a parking space that's not a half mile from the store, and it not be raining, snowing, or if you're in May all the toys, appliances, and other crap your family is screaming for be one of the door busters...and that they don't run out of the product your 9 year old will just die without.

May you be at the front of the lines to get in the store, but not with your face squished against the glass. May Karen, the woman who wouldn't stop blowing her whistle in your ear outside to find her family members, trip over her own untied shoelace, giving you the last of the coveted tv's not in a busted box. May the cashiers, stockers, and greeters not have a complete melt down when it's my turn to ask for help. May the employees and police form one organized line to check out in, and all patrons be wearing deodorant.

May Gary who is breathing heavy behind you, the man way too chatty for 4 in the morning, at least have his teeth brushed for when he's telling you all about his psoriasis. May the tag teaming moms wearing all matching shirts for this event have all of their coupons, their check books, and their tempers under control. Lastly, may the smiles of your family and the money you saved in your bank account be worth the hell and misery of Black Friday shopping.  

I have total respect for anyone that can make it out of the store alive and with their dignity intact. I'm desperate to know if this is a special skill or if it's inherited through your genes. Can it be learned? Somebody please let me know. Until there's an answer or a cure, stay safe out there.

Peace, blessings, and safety whistles to all!