Women are… complicated. Can we admit that? And we are extra complicated for approximately 3-7 days a month. Can I get an Amen? All the feelings. So many of them, all over the place. Can we get some chocolate around here??
I was feeling extra whiny and extra sensitive this last month. All the things hurt my feelings. My sweet Dave breathing in my vicinity was very difficult to cope with. Why did he open the cabinets so fast, I don’t like that. People of the world, driving on the streets, at the same time as me, almost caused me to have a meltdown. At one point I brought my wine into the shower.
Dave knows this was coming (he put an app on his iPad to prepare for the days leading up to this momentous time of the month), so he stocked our pantry with many bars of my favorite chocolate, and got both red and white wines without asking which I wanted, just in case. Best hubby ever, right? Well this past month was so rough I thought I might actually be pregnant, and his efforts just weren’t enough. During one of my super whiny moments I said, “I want chocolate!” and when he said, “babe I got you chocolate, it’s in the pantry”, I responded with, “but I want you to feed it to meeee!!” - Okay, fine, clearly I reached a whole new level of unreasonable. He was like “omg, I can’t deal with this” (in his head because he’s a wise man), and backed out of the room slowly shutting the door in slow motion like “bye crazy!” and I stayed in there moping and feeling super sorry for myself. Sometimes you just need one of those days!
I tell you this story to say that even the most patient, loving husband, does not enjoy a high maintenance lady. I try my best to be a laid back kind of chick, and I would classify myself as low maintenance, but there are times I fail at being super cool. One thing my mom told me many years ago, is you know how we like taking care of our men when they get sick? We baby them and bring them food and all that mess… well they don’t love doing that to us. I don’t know what it is, but they don’t like doing all the babying and coddling. They’ll provide the essentials (medication, chocolate, wine), but hope that’s enough and back away from the beast (that’s us). I’m sure not every man is like that, but I have found it to be true with mine. He can’t process the 18 lanes of traffic going on with my emotions at once, and can’t understand that even though I’m yelling, all I really want is someone to wrap me in a blanket, call me pretty, and feed me bon bons. Is that too much to ask for??
All PMS’ing “jokes” aside, I want to talk about being high maintenance. We all have our things we can’t live without (triple short shot grande Americano extra hot water in a Venti cup, #hairflip), but where we can manage, I believe we should try to be low maintenance. Growing up with a dad, two brothers, and now being married, I have learned a few commonalities about low-maintenance traits men appreciate in their women (and I think they totally have a point). Here they are:
- Not a big spender - They will totally want to provide and give you everything you ever wanted, but I bet he will feel better about his decision to build a life with you if you're careful with money. Wouldn’t you? Being good with money is a highly desirable trait in both partners!
- Not a drama queen - Being highly emotional is something not many men understand well. Their brain is wired differently, and they compartmentalize where women are much like a web - everything is connected, everything has meaning, and everything matters. If we are not careful, we can not only drown in melodrama, but also alienate our guys.
- Not materialistic - As much as men want to treat their women like princesses, they don't want to feel like they're being forced to waste their paychecks on elaborate gifts. Being grateful for the small things really does go a long away.
- Not uptight - Sometimes we say things that get taken the wrong way. Men aren't that great with the words, since they don't have nearly as much practice as we do! So give him a break and don’t get hung up on every small thing that is said. Reading too much into things will get anyone in trouble easily, and you will be considered the coolest girlfriend/wife for letting things roll off your back.
- Easy to make decisions - Men tend to get frustrated when things go around in circles and there’s no resolution in sight. Let’s just decide to be decisive, and be okay if it’s not perfect!
- Not picky - Being super picky and not liking anything, or fussing over every bug and every tiny detail making a show of it is not only frustrating, but makes them feel inadequate, like they may never meet your standards. Lowering the bar a bit really helps bring the morale up and helps your guy feel like Superman, which means he will want to impress you even more - win win!
Take my advice with a grain of salt as everyone is different of course, and don't miss the quiz below to find out if you’re low maintenance or not!