Let’s face it, at some point in every woman’s life, you’ll be stuck with the task of mending a broken heart. It doesn’t matter if you were the one doing the breaking up or if you were broken up with- either way, it just plain sucks. Everyone copes and deals with things differently, but after much experience in this area I’ve found the one thing you absolutely CANNOT DO is sitting around and make yourself even more miserable. (Picturing Elle Woods and Warner’s breakup in Legally Blonde, sitting around in sweats, throwing chocolates at the TV, “LIAR!”)
I recently ended a relationship and afterwards I had two choices. The first being: sitting around, not eating, crying, being miserable and turning into a hermit. The second one: embrace this new chapter of life that I’ve been given and make the absolute most of it.
I decided to go with the second. I used to absolutely hate change, it caused me to stay in relationships longer than I should, it caused extreme anxiety, it was one of my biggest fears. I figured out, I was just looking at change wrong. Change is a good thing, it’s like life is giving you this chance to reinvent yourself and become who you really want to be. Change is one of the best things that can happen, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, it’s all about perspective.
So like I said, I decided to embrace this new chapter of life, make the most of it and take the world by storm. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t have sad moments, but I always feel better when I remind myself that this is a chance to create and live the life I’ve always wanted to. There’s no one holding me back, there’s no obsessive planning about the future, there’s only this amazing chapter of life that I’ve been blessed with.
So, how do you rally after a breakup? Here’s 5 little tips that have been helping me immensely.
1. Girlfriends + Girls' Nights
Girlfriends are the some of the most important people in your life, your relationships with them will carry you through the best and worst of times. Throw on some sassy lipstick, grab some drinks and don’t focus on anything but having a blast with some of the best women in your life. Or, you can throw on some sweats and binge watch some grey’s anatomy. Any sort of quality time is going to not only be a distraction, but also something that makes your heart happy- which is key in the mending process
2. Don’t rely on anything
A lot of people tend to drink a little more when they have breakups. Yes, having a few drinks and getting a little buzz is fine, but don’t drown your sorrows by getting so drunk that your girlfriends have to carry you out of the bar. It’s unhealthy, it can lead to bad decisions, it’s dangerous and you’re just masking emotions that you should be facing. *I’m not saying I haven’t coped this way. But, because I have coped this way in the past, I can say with certainty that this is not the way you want to handle things.
3. Don’t immediately start looking for someone
You’re lying if you say you aren’t immediately looking for the next guy after a breakup. Everyone has their rebound guy that they date to get over a broken heart, but maybe instead of trying to find someone to help you mend it—try mending it yourself. Putting emotions and investments into a new person, when your heart is already hurting will only make things more confusing. As women, we tend to make things harder on ourselves than we should. Let’s not do that.
I’m a big believer that you can be the happiest when you’re doing something you truly love. For me, I’ve poured myself into blogging and writing. My mom told me once that sometimes you don’t even really know how you feel about a topic until you sit and write out your feelings. I’m not saying “breakup and become a blogger!” but what I am saying is, find something that makes your soul happy. It could be exercise, spending time outdoors, reading, painting, etc. Just find something- the happier you are, the easier it is for your heart to heal.
5. Spend time alone
Yes, I know I said that girls nights are key. So is spending time with family. But, one of the most important things you can do is spend some time alone and have some self-reflection. Figure out the reasons why your relationship didn’t work. What can you do to better yourself for the next one? What do you need to accomplish within yourself before you begin dating again? Find the root of the issues that caused your relationship to end and figure out a plan to fix them.
I, by no means, am a dating expert. Clearly, I just ended another relationship. But what I can offer expertise on is dealing with breakups in a healthy way. It’s natural to doubt relationships ending and yes, sometimes you work through the issues and make the relationship work. But, most of the time, relationships end for very REAL reasons. Figure out those reasons, figure out what you can do to fix them for YOU and not for the other person. Breakups are a time to be selfish. It’s about you, your time, your life, your happiness. I know this sounds like I’m telling you to not be sad about a breakup and by no means am I tell you that. You can be sad, you can cry, but you can’t unpack and live in that unhappy place. Get out there, better yourself and rally! You’ll thank yourself for it one day, I promise.
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