My Fiancé is Not My Soul Mate, but I'm Marrying Him Anyways

I’m 23, and I’m getting married, which by today’s standards is pretty young. It’s something that I am aware of, and sometimes even feel like is thrown in my face. A few months back, I read an article written by a 23-year-old young lady explaining why she felt that women shouldn’t get married in their twenties. One of her biggest supporting arguments was that women in their twenties should focus on themselves. They should be discovering who they are, what their core values are, and finding their life’s passion, rather than worrying about sharing their energy and time with another human being. 

While I agree with her, I’m still going to marry my fiancé. I don't believe that because I am getting married I will be unable to continue to explore my own passions, core values, and inner self. Instead, because I am getting married to a man who supports me to grow as a woman, I believe I will be able to understand myself more fully than ever before. 

He and I met very early in life, I was seventeen - a baby! Yet, we moved in together, got a dog, and bought patio furniture. The whole nine yards. From a statistical point of view, we were doomed. Doomed or not, we made things work. Slowly, we figured out that it was my job to cook, and his job to mow the lawn, not because of gender roles by any means, but simply because it’s what worked for us. I helped him study for his tests, and he helped me overcome anxiety. There was an unspoken language that pulsed through our relationship that sorted these things out.

Although I am the cook and the laundry girl, and he remains the trash and lawn guy, we fully support each other to pursue our own dreams, knowing that our love language will help us work through it. When he decided he wanted to move two hours away to work on his family’s ranch, he never once questioned the fact that I decided to stay behind to finish college. I believe it was out of respect for me that he never breathed the words, “follow my dream”. He allowed me to continue to follow mine, and we made it work. Similarly, when he decided to pursue his dream to take over his family's ranch, I never once questioned his choice. In fact, I admired his courage to chase what he felt he was destined for. 

When I read the many lists of “Things to do Other Than Get Engaged in Your Twenties”, I couldn’t help but laugh. When did it become a rule that you can’t ‘Get Your Passport’ or ‘Travel for a Year’ if you’re a married/engaged twenty something? Yes, I agree that traveling in your twenties is great, but sharing those travels with someone you love is something that is unmatchable. The fact that I know my fiancé would fully support my decision to “Head to the Philippines for New Years” if I wanted to, solidifies the fact that yes, I do indeed want to marry this man, too young or not.

However, I am my own soul mate. I fulfill myself enough to know that I could be perfectly happy on my own. As I grow and learn, so does he. We help each other become healthier, stronger, and well-rounded individuals. My fiancé is in no way responsible for my happiness, but the moments when we share in each other’s happiness adds to much more joy to my life, and I hope, also adds to his. As a twenty-three year old woman, I am still discovering who I am, what my core values are, and what my life’s passions will be. Never do I expect the man I share my life with to conform to those values or passions. Instead, I encourage him to have his own, just as he encourages me to have my own. In my opinion, this builds the foundation for our deep love of understanding that we are two people who have made a commitment to speak the same love language, but not necessarily the same dialect.