My husband TJ and I have been officially married for one year this past October. First of all, who knew how fast a year could go by? I feel like it was just last month that I was planning what accessories to wear on my wedding day and what type of wine to serve at our cocktail hour. During our first married year, we learned a lot about each other. We have had our ups and downs like any couple does, but overall I think it is safe to say that we have been smooth
It's surprising how much you can learn about each other in such a short amount of time. TJ and I decided to wait until we were married to move in together and for us, this was the right choice. It gave us a sense of excitement and allowed us to imagine what life would be like together. We anticipated the nights that we would spend in our new home together.
Looking back on our first year, I realize that I have learned a few things. I am by no means experienced in marriage, but I think that I have a few valuable pointers to offer our newly engaged couples out there.
1. PATIENCE IS YOUR FRIEND
Living with each other is going to take some getting used to. Every time TJ takes a shower, he has to have music playing. I never play music when I shower, so this took some getting used to. I like the bed to be made every day, and he doesn’t care unless people are coming over. He likes the toothpaste tube rolled so that there is a full amount of toothpaste available, I on the other hand couldn't care less.
It seems funny, but this is married life.
You will learn each other’s quirks soon. Have patience with each other - it will go a long way.
2. LET THE SMALL STUFF GO. AND IN THE END, ITS ALL SMALL STUFF.
It used to drive me crazy (wait, who am I kidding, it still does…) when TJ leaves crumbs on the counter. I work so hard to keep the kitchen in tip-top-shape, and then here he comes along to make his sandwiches for the week, and leaves a trail of crumbs behind.
I used to get mad and yell at him to clean them up, but now I try my best to just clean up the small mess without making a “big deal” about it. Now TJ is aware that I do not like these crumbs, so he does his best to clean up after himself. However, I have learned to let it slide…
3. APOLOGIZE. QUICKLY.
My husband can agree, I am the worst at this. I am so hard-headed and think I am always right (wait, I’m not?). Apologizing after a fight is so important and my husband would interrupt here and include, apologizing right away.
After we have a fight, we give each other some time to cool down and then we get back together to discuss what happened. We apologize and then move on. Never go to bed upset
4. BE ON THE SAME SIDE
One thing that I love about my marriage is that we work as a team. When chores and things need to get done, we split up the work. If I am overwhelmed and need him to stop at the store on the way home, he does it. If he had a busy week at work, I will do the cooking or pack his lunch.
We work together to make the days easier for one another. TJ once told me that his job is to make my life easier, and I feel the same for him. If you both are on the same team, you will always end up winners.
5. FORGIVE. QUICKER.
Never hold a grudge. It will haunt you and you never get the opportunity to truly let go. This goes hand in hand with step three - apologize and then forgive. Everyone makes mistakes - it's inevitable. We are all imperfect people. Forgive your spouse, make up and then give them a big hug and kiss and move on with your day.
I hope that you all have found these pointers to be helpful. They may seem so simple, but as you will find out, they aren’t always the easiest to master. I look forward to adding to this list as the years go by.
Add a comment below with one thing that you have learned since you have gotten married. We would love to hear from the seasoned couples!