Confessions of an Instagram Husband

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Ashley’s husband, Grayson, and I am an Instagram Husband. For those that don’t know me, that’s a scary realization considering the type of person I am.

I was born in Austin, TX, to two successful yet very hippie parents. I’ve played professional paintball for the past 11 years and have been playing the sport over half my life. I work at a local hedge fund as a trader, and write automated algorithms to trade on my behalf. Five years ago, could I imagine I would be helping my wife run a successful Instagram page and blog based on women’s fashion? Hell no. I didn’t (and still don’t) have a stylish bone in my body, let alone know how to work a fancy camera. My style growing up was changing into the clothes I’d wear to school the night before so I didn’t have to worry about it in the morning.

As I sit here writing this, I’m at work in a RATM (Rage Against the Machine) shirt with chlorine stains on it, and the same grey shorts I’ve worn the past 3 days. Somehow over the course of the past 5 years, I would learn how to shoot a fancy camera, learn all the names of fancy shoe designers, and realize purses could cost as much as cars. Without further ado, here’s the one way my life drastically changed the day I married Ashley (who I will now refer to as @dtkaustin from here on out).

Based on my intro, it would’ve been safe for you to assume that I don’t plan anything in my life. I’m more of the feather-in-the-wind, enjoy-the-moment type person. @dtkaustin is the exact opposite. In this modern day world of smart phones, tablets, and hipster Macbooks, she still uses a paper calendar and planner. Running a successful blog also requires a strict routine and lots of planning. A lot of her work is based off when most of her Instagram followers are on their phones so she needs to be posting. I thought posting a picture to Instagram was simple. I was wrong (you’ll find I’ll be wrong a lot in this post, much like being a guy, and being wrong in a marriage). When I post a picture, it takes me anywhere from 5-50 seconds to think of caption. I post it, and then I’m done. Crazy stuff.

For @dtkaustin, it’s an hour-long process… and that’s just posting the picture and interacting with her followers. Before that picture is even posted, hours of work and planning go into it, and somehow she’s deemed my opinion, as the elusive Instagram Husband, as worthy. On average, about 2-3 times a day, I will receive about 5 pictures of her feed with 1-2 photos differing. It’s now up to my highly logical and highly uncreative mind to determine which one fits her feed the best. I respond with my horrible opinion of which ones are my favorite, usually they include ones with more boobs or legs, and if those aren’t options, I’m usually just picking at random to satisfy @dtkaustin’s request for assistance.