Your Big Life Redesign: Finding Your Why
Last week we talked about the first steps to living a life of your own design, finding your passion, and trusting the process.
A week into self-research and you’re tired, maybe even back to aimlessly wandering around life. That’s because a “life redesign” bought on impulse never sticks without a solid answer to "why"?
So why? Why do you want a new life? What makes you unhappy about the current design? Why do all the work?
At some point you might have said something to yourself like, “I wish I had her job” or “I wish I had her life.” It is the sting of comparison that plunges us down the rabbit hole into low self-esteem, too much shopping and spending, and feelings of inadequacy in our lives, careers and relationships. Maybe envy is what causes you to want a life redesign.
Recently I watched a Creative Mornings talk by Michael Ventura, the founder of SubRosa Agency. The bulk of the talk (which I highly recommend) is about his process of starting his multiple businesses and at the end he says, “most people don’t try enough stuff.”
Let me ask, have you tried?
You follow women on social media who get invited on trips, women who plan beautiful birthday parties, women who are CEOs of large companies, women who get to stay at home with their kiddos… the list goes on. You ask yourself, how do they do that? How did they get there? How are they so creative?
Lets take one of my “in-progress” examples. Writing. I started writing a while ago and then stopped. And then I started again and then stopped, and so on and so on. I told myself I stopped because I got busy with work. The reality is, I stopped because I wasn’t getting the response I wanted. Other women were seeing success with their writing, and I was comparing myself. Another reality is, I never really tried. Never pushed my personal website, never tried submitting any work, never asked about more opportunities.
Realizing my why - why I wanted to write, and why I stopped - helped me to make a plan. I am making an intentional effort and decision to write. I have made a road map of where I want my writing to go, and that generates confidence. More confidence equals more creative ideas and that equals more topics to write about.
Accepting the "why" pushes out that pesky thing we call our ego and frees up creativity.
Living a life of your own design does not have room for your ego. In the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, she talks about ideas being their own entities wandering around looking for the most open heart and mind to bring them to fruition. While this is a more new age idea than I tend to subscribe, there is something to be said for finding a way to eliminate your ego out of your plans. Finding the motivation behind your efforts and changing how you perceive yourself is hard work and takes time - time you are spending trying to fight your ego.
Building your life the way you want it allows you to break free from what I like to call ego-isms. Thoughts like “she stole my idea” or “I could have done that better, had I only done it first.” Finding your why and staying focused allows for new ideas to flow freely, and helps you to let go of the competition between other creative minds.
With an ego, when you share an idea and then you see it being used by someone else, the ego-isms rise up with full force causing bitterness towards the relationship and your creativity to dwindle down to empty. Ego always causes you to feel threatened. But without an ego, your idea can be the key that unlocks someone else’s big dream. Think of it this way: they did not steal your idea; you are now part of their dream, and vice versa.
Designing a life is not a race, and figuring out your "why" will help you stay on track, keep up motivation, and create supportive relationships that help you design your dream life.
shop this look: Free People / Eileen Romper
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