Why We Need To Stop Judging Each Other As Mothers

Chances are, if you're a woman with kids, heck, if you're human, you have either judged someone else's parenting style, or been judged. When did this become ok? When did this become the "norm"? 

I will freely admit that before I ever had kids, I may or may not have judged a mom when her kid was throwing a tantrum in the store. Like geez lady, it's a two dollar toy buy it for him already or I will. I may have seen moms put leash backpacks on their child, and thought that famous phrase "when I have kids I will NEVER do that!" Okay, that one I have never done, but when you have three kids 3 and under, I totally understand why. Go ahead and strap that fury animal on your kid, and I will now jealously watch in admiration while I chase my three tiny terrors around the amusement park, hoping a souvenir store will cut me a deal and give me one for free if I buy two. 

Fast forward three kids later, I have come to realize that most times you are about to judge someone, you understand they are just doing it out of survival mode. Let's have some truth talk. Truth: I just gave my 2 year old 1/4 of my iced coffee on the airplane so we did not have WWIII break out. Believe me, my youngest has a set of pipes on him you wouldn't believe, and I've learned to pick my battles. Different rules, for different environments. 

Most times when kids act out, they are fighting with themselves too. They are trying to figure out their emotions and sometimes, let's face it, testing us. They need limits and boundaries, I think they may even crave them. 

Let's not forget everyone has bad days. If adults are allowed to have them, why do we treat kids as if they should only be seen and not heard? Once you think about it from other people's perspective and put yourself in their shoes, it's easier to sympathize. 

The way we have come to judge moms so openly in our culture is quite sad. It's harmful to ourselves, and to others. Here's why it needs to stop. 

1. What good does it do?

No really. Is it kind? Is it truthful? Is it helpful in anyway shape or form? Is it benefiting you to think bad thoughts of someone you probably know nothing about? I will go out on a limb and say probably not. I truly believe when you think negative, you just invite negative into your life. Ain't nobody got time for that. 

2. How would you feel if someone judged you on your worst parenting day? 

Sometimes, you are only seeing a microscopic moment into someone's world. You see the two seconds they lose control with their sweet child when they just asked to use the restroom. What if the mom lost a family member?  What if she lost her job and is stressed about how to make ends meet for her family? What if her spouse is fighting overseas and she is single-parenting it? What if she is just a normal woman on the first day of her lady cycle and she is having a rough day, and accidentally takes it out on her child?

I can guarantee you, whenever I lose my temper with one of my kids, I immediately regret it, and for the rest of the day all I want to do is snuggle and kiss them up. Think about the worst day you had, and what if that is how you were perceived. That would not accurately depict who you are as a woman or a mother. 

3. Moms should be a united front.

How many mothers are in this world of ours? Shouldn't we be in an unspoken secret society, bonded for life? If we can put aside the judging and just be there for each other to lean on, what a better world we would lead.

Next time you see a mom with a cart full of groceries and a screaming child waiting in line, instead of staring, let her go ahead of you, offer to get her a coffee. Something so simple and small will mean the world to her. Let her know she's not alone and hopefully she will remember that act of kindness and pay it forward. We all know if the mamas are happy, then EVERYONE is happy. 

4. Your kid is watching you

You may think you are so good at hiding your judgmental emotions from your kids, but believe me, they see everything. They are sponges, constantly watching us, looking at us to see how we react in every situation. Judging is most definitely part of human nature, but I do believe it's progressively getting worse. If we can change this learned behavior and show compassion, your kids will too. 

5. When you stop judging others, you relieve yourself of the pressures as well

You are less inclined to worry about what others will think of you. In this culture where you feel bad for not being a perfect mom, if you stop looking for others to be perfect, you can accept the fact that you aren't either. It's so freeing to know we are all in this together, trying our best, failing miserably, then trying our best again.

And again, and again. 

This world already has enough other poop for us to worry about and deal with on a daily basis. Let's control the things we can, and simply be nice. It is amazing the things you can accomplish with kind words, and kind hearts. At the end of the day, you will never regret being kind.

What's that quote? " Throw kindness around like confetti. " Or sparkles, or glitter. Whatever you fancy.