We all have moments of insecurity, right? I'm sure even Sofia Vergara does. Maybe not, because I'm not entirely convinced that she's an actual human and not an alien being of perfect tan and bouncy hair, but that's besides the point. I know I have my moments. Sometimes it has to do with how I’m dressed (if my outfit is not on point, I feel weird), how I am feeling about myself in general (have I been kicking ass lately, or having my ass kicked by life?), or simply how my day is going. It’s amazing how something small can go wrong in your day and make you feel like a failure at life. But the worst, is when another’s success makes you feel insecure about your own accomplishments.
It’s something in our core that determines how we handle the high-pressure, high-comparison world we live in. There are so many ways for us to compare ourselves to others these days, between Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, Pinterest, weddings, homes, cars, clothes, jobs, shoes, husbands… how many more ways do we need to feel terrible about ourselves, question our worth, and feel inadequate!
I find that the more I get to know ME, the less I have to prove, and the more confident I feel. Getting to know myself helps me to work on the things I lack. Accepting this inevitable truth takes the pressure off, and I am now in a position to make changes. I don’t have to feel bad about not being something I am never going to be, so let's all just get on board with one fact for a moment: You are who you are, and God made you with the exact specifications for your purpose in life. Mind blown, and you’re welcome.
I’m really glad we had that chat. I feel like we nailed it. But girl, if you need some tips, here are some secrets I've picked up from confident women I admire:
1. They are not run by their feelings - We can all agree that it's hard to not give in to our feelings. But that's all they are - feelings! They can help us navigate through life, but it's important to know that feelings are fleeting, and can be incredibly misleading. Remember that time you thought he was the love of your life and that your life would actually end if you weren't together? Haha! Real talk, these things called "feelings" can ruin our lives if we let them. Confident women are able to detect feelings of fear and doubt, and nip them in the bud. They do things REGARDLESS of their fear, and know to separate feelings from reality.
That's how they become #girlbosses.
2. They are comfy with being uncomfortable - An awesome woman once told me you need to find a way to “sit with your feelings”, or “make the space for unresolved feelings” until you come to a place where you can resolve them. Confident women don't feel comfortable in every situation in life. The difference is, they are okay with that! They know and accept their weaknesses, without letting the inability to be good at something change how confident they feel. It's refreshing when we see a woman laughing and saying "Oh I don't know how to do that" - it makes everyone around them feel like it's okay to be bad at things; and it is. There will always be someone who is better, prettier, or more talented. The antidote is to know deep inside that you have talents those "better' women do not possess, and focus on developing them, instead of comparing.
3. They know how to disconnect emotionally from their failures - This is important. It's actually a good thing to expect failure, and to distance yourself emotionally. When you have many ideas, and you don't have fear, you are free to put them all out there. Some will work, and some will not. Expecting this and being emotionally distanced from your projects can help lessen the blow of disappointment if your idea is really just horrible. Been there.
4. They know how to refocus after setbacks quickly - Confident women experience setbacks and heartbreak as well, but they are able to look within to own up to their part in it, and move on to do better next time. Let's use the shoe The Bachelor as an example. A confident woman doesn't get eliminated and loses her mind on the limo ride home. Okay, some tears are understandable, but the important part is she looks within herself, admits that maybe she didn’t need to have that 5th glass of wine on the first night, and considers that maybe there was just a better match for the guy than she would have ever been.
#hairflip and move on.
5. They stop talking, and start acting - There are two types of people: those who make lists, and those who do what's on the list. It's great to plan, but some women know that the secret to success is in the risk. These women have enough insight to know that if they make a mistake, it's not the end of the world and they will be just fine. Then they caffeinate, and do the things.
6. They choose to have a positive attitude - Being negative and being confident do not go together. You see negative people all over, criticizing and only seeing the negative in every circumstance. You can bet that they are insecure people. Confident people know that being positive and encouraging only nurtures their own good stuff, and that being negative fuels the fire for more negativity.
And ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
7. They don't take themselves too seriously, and don't take rejection personally- Confident women have a sense of humor. If you are uptight and take everything to heart, there is no wiggle room for life to happen without getting offended at every turn. Confident women know that losing their sense of humor is the quickest road to to hypersensitivity, and girl, that is a ticking time bomb. Before you know it you're getting offended by the ice cream guy for asking one or two scoops, screaming "ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT" and then it's time for therapy.
8. They let go of guilt - Guilt is a useful emotion that helps to guide us. But it is meant to be temporary, and if we hold onto it and let it take root in our foundation, it can really eat away at our strengths. So take it in, process it, then release it like a bird in the wild. I am getting an image here.
The most important thing to remember is that confidence grows, if you nurture it. It can also die, if you feed your insecurities. If you have been feeling unsure of yourself lately, take a virtual walk around this site and see how many women have similar struggles, and could probably really use some of your amazing strengths!
Share, don’t compare. Le duh. #blessed #girlsrule