There are a lot of blog posts out there with points of what not to say to your single friends but what about us married people? We have feelings too.
I have many single friends. Some in their twenties, some older. All of them, at one point or another have weighed in on my marriage.
I have never understood why because I don’t weigh in on their lack of marriage.
Sure, some of their concerns are legitimate but seeing as how I have known my husband of what is now 4 years for over a decade, I think I’ll be the judge on whether it was a good choice for me to marry him or not; regardless of my age, which by the way was 21 when we got hitched (que judging).
1) The back handed compliment + offensive assumption- "But you’re so young.... and pretty… Is he a lot older than you?”
Um… thank you? What is that supposed to mean? Have you seen my husband? I didn’t just settle for the first Joe Schmo who looked my way. Just because I picked him from a young age doesn’t mean I wouldn’t pick him again now. He was hot, smart, and funny then and he's hot, smart, and funny now.
Just because I got married young doesn’t mean I have a low self esteem. My standards are just as high as yours. In fact, please show me a picture of your last fling. I will bet my bottom dollar that my child groom of a husband trumps him any day.
2) The worldly know-it-all challenge of a question- "How do you know what you like if you’ve only had one flavor?”
Have you eaten dog poop before? No? How do you know you won’t like it?
Call me crazy but I know I won't like it because it just doesn’t look or smell appealing to me.
I know what I like because I chose him. I continue to choose him every day. As the saying goes, “Don’t fix it if it ain't broke.
3) The delusional single version of the "blondes have more fun" proclamation- "You need to get out more. Being 20 is about finding yourself, being selfish, and having fun!”
Contrary to popular belief, I am not being held hostage against my will in my home. My husband and I do get out. We go to dinner, we travel, watch movies, shop, work out, heck, we even go to bars and clubs. We do everything a normal human being in their 20’s does. We do these things together when it's just the two of us, or together with a group of friends, or separately with our own friends. The only difference is that some times when we are tired and just want to be home, we do that together too.
We don’t mind staying in with a movie and a big bowl of popcorn, cuddled up on the couch. We also don’t mind saying “Sorry, I’m taken.” When we are out with our friends at a club.
I might be young and still learning so much about the world on a daily basis but where in the rule book does it say you have to learn everything on your own and alone?
4) The condescending defensive jab- "I’m independent. I can take care of myself.”
Look at you- doing it all by yourself! Good for you!
But did you know that I also take care of myself? Is there something I have done to give you the impression that I have to wait in line for food stamps from my husband?
What’s his is mine and what’s mine is his. We both go to work and we both pay the bills; together.
Pride and feminism aside, financially speaking, a married couple's way of life makes more sense than a single person's.
When there are two adults contributing to one household, two people living under one roof, in one room, is more affordable than two people living under separate roofs or in separate rooms.
5) The lonely, bitter, blanket statement (often paired with a hair flip) - "I don’t need someone else to make me happy.”
Being married and in love does not mean you rely on someone else to make you happy. In fact, there are many times that my husband is happy and I am miserable. Like when he has a good day and I have a bad day.
Being married doesn’t mean we are the same person. We did not magically morph into one as soon as we said "I do".
We are still separate people who define our own happiness. Being married and in love means having someone to share your happiness with.
In theory, it's having someone to walk through life with that will be sad with you, excited with you, happy with you, angry with you. It’s having a partner who can understand and relate to you.