Latin mommas are so funny sometimes! I never stopped to think about their idiosyncrasies until I met my super duper American husband 6 years ago and learned the differences in our cultures.
Here are a few things I can attest to with my eyes closed.
Dad brings home the bacon, but they don’t make the rules.
They probably learned it from THEIR moms. It's an essential part of the upbringing. Why else is the answer to every question "go ask your mother". The term 'matriarch' is utilized to its full potential.
Eat or go hungry.
In case you were wondering, those ARE the options. Nothing upsets mom more than having her food declined after spending hours preparing it. In some cultures it's common to accommodate to the preferences of the eaters however, it's not going to fly in Mrs. Gonzalez's home. The due process is as follows: the look of death, followed by the 'you are so unappreciative' statement, then comes the removal of the plate in front of you and lastly, the feeling that you're all alone in the world. To all the people who ever wondered how it is that I eat so much: I'm no fool.
Ear cartilage is much stronger than it appears to be.
Physiologically, this IS proven science, my ears got pulled left and right for everything including, but not limited to whining in public, interrupting adult conversations and eye rolling (ooph, you almost always realllllyyy got it for that last one).
Ovens are an extension of your pantry.
Deep frying and pressure cooking always take precedence over baking or broiling therefore, you’ll find the Le Creuset oven collection neatly stacked inside inside every hispanic mom's oven. That's called repurposing, folks.
Moving out is never an option.
AKA The extended family syndrome. Where it's totally acceptable to get married, have kids (possibly even grandkids) while still living in the home of your predecessors, despite that fact that they live there too. There's just no other way. Asking to move out is like denying Jesus. That's blasphemy, so don't let the words escape you.
Walking around barefoot when you have a cold leads to pneumonia and/or sudden death.
Flip flops just won't suffice due to toe excessive exposure. The cold tile 'feels' will creep up and make their way to your lungs. The only way to prevent said complication is strict bed rest, wearing 3 pairs of socks and allowing mom to spoon feed you chicken soup. Even if you hate chicken soup.
No words shall be spoken Monday-Friday from 8-9 Eastern Standard Time.
If Univision is currently playing her favorite telenovela (Spanish soap opera) verbal communication shall resume at the end of next week's preview.
Vicks VapoRub cures all.
Heck, it may even be the secret to eternal life. If you have a cold, the maternal recommendation is to rub it on your chest and back for maximum relief. If you have a migraine, go ahead an apply a moderate amount to both of your temples and forehead for optimal comfort. Start early and stock up, you’ll need it during the zombie apocalypse.
Vegetables aren't food.
The main course will usually be served with two sides. Those sides will almost always be 2 starches, or a starch and something else that's deliciously deep fried. Fried plantains and rice are a biggie! Trying to explain to your mom that vegetables are a carbohydrate and will provide nutritional value is futile. You can stop now.
The towels hanging in the guest bathroom are decorative accents and nothing more.
Wiping your soaking wet hands across Gizmo's top coat, then feeding the offspring after midnight is safer than mom attempting to use mom's towels. Target Threshold towel collection on your grungy little hands? This would a great time to check yourself.
They'll drive you crazy but they'll love you long time. As is true with moms from all over. Can you relate to any of these latin "mom-isms" or are we just a bunch of crazies? Leave a comment down below and tell me where you're from!